Growing Up Chinese

“Do they understand what I’m saying?” my aunt asked my dad in Chinese when our family arrived at her house in China for a visit.

Thinking my siblings and I didn’t understand Chinese was a fair assumption for my aunt. After all, we were born and raised in the U.S. Like many immigrant families, my parents grabbed onto any opportunity for us to fulfill the American Dream. This American Dream meant we would have a good education, go to college, get an office job (easier and higher paying than a labor-intensive job), get married, have kids, and gain wealth. They thought that for us to become successful, the priority was following the rules and expectations of white suburban life. In a way, being successful was being white or at least being an upstanding citizen imitating American (white) culture.

This is in no way a snub on my parents or any immigrant parents who acted this way. Their actions were out of love and what they could see worked. When given an opportunity for your kids to experience a life you’ve only dreamed of, wouldn’t you do whatever it takes? In coming to a country you know nothing about, wouldn’t you try to fit in and learn local customs to make it an easier transition? And when you hear being a model citizen is the way to get ahead in life, wouldn’t you follow it and teach your kids to do the same? There’s no right or wrong. We all have our learned behaviors.

I felt it too, the strangeness of growing up in two cultures. On top of the woes of trying to fit in and be “cool” as a kid (I’m pretty sure I’m still not cool!), I mispronounced words and wore weird clothes. Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy didn’t exist at my house (things my parents never really cared about), so I made up stories about what they would bring me. I threw away lunch I brought to school because my classmates said it smelled funny. I avoided talking to my parents in Chinese in public because of the weird looks and comments. These were the little things that made me feel like an outsider, that being Chinese wasn’t normal and maybe even shameful.

It was hard to live in two cultures, and I grew up thinking I didn’t want to be Chinese because I thought being white meant I would be more normal and more accepted. I told people I was a banana or Twinkie – yellow/Asian on the outside and white on the inside – because I wanted them to know I was one of them. I don’t think I was proud to be Chinese in a lot of ways and that’s a strange realization as an adult. Becoming more American meant giving up being Chinese.

Proud to be Asian American

So…now it’s cool to be Asian. The shortlist? All the Asian food. Korean skincare and beauty. Boba drinks. BTS and BlackPink.

Being proud means feeling a deep connection with others who have grown up as Asian Americans and recognizing the struggle of others. Jon Chu, the director of Crazy Rich Asians, talks about this in his letter to Coldplay asking for rights to a song he used in the movie. It’s being drawn to learn the Chinese traditions and explore the Chinese recipes that I took for granted as a kid. It’s celebrating Asian joy by honoring our history and cheering on Asian accomplishments.

Becoming proud has been a difficult pivot when I’ve lived most of my life thinking I needed to be something else. I’ve begun the long work of accepting who I am and letting go of all the lies I built in my mind. It involves a lot of retraining my brain to be proud of what being Chinese means to me. It’s all part of the process of growing up – you see your past in a new light and learn from it – and it’s a delicate and hard process!

Some related media:

• Video: Sesame Street shows that speaking another language is a superpower
• Article: Adopted Korean ponders similar questions

But There’s Racism

At the same time, learning how to be proud to be Asian is dealing with racism.

I’ve experienced racism from the kids on the playground in elementary school to adults today. I like to think that most comments were not hateful, just kids not knowing better or adults never questioning why their comments would be disrespectful. But we live in a time where information is more readily available, people will speak up, and people are tired of having to explain why they are offended.

These comments – like asking where someone is really from – are microaggressions. Microaggressions are indirect, subtle, or unintentional verbal or behavioral discrimination. This article goes deep into the discussion.

More seriously, there is blatant racism – the external voices that tell me being Asian is not something I should be proud of. That Asians can be beaten up without consequence and the violence and hate towards them is not real or that it is warranted because they caused certain things to happen. Or that hate is ok because Asians are different. Racism is present because racists feel superior because of their race, are close-minded and/or uneducated, and are encouraged by others, especially people in power. If you would like to read recent examples of racist accounts, see this post.

White American society has long fought for their own, what they thought was right, was owed, or was earned. It started with land. It continues with culture, policies, and values.

“I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.” – James Baldwin

How to Help the AAPI Community

If you are part of the AAPI community, I feel you, I see you. We stand together.

We can all do more and learn more. I want to be a stronger ally and we can work together to make the world more inclusive. Here are some ways.

Educate Yourself

You don’t have to know or understand it all, but fighting racism means you have to do your part. Unlearning what you’ve been taught or what you grew up with is not fun and actually, it is emotional and uncomfortable. Learning and remembering can be hard, too. It’s hard being told you’ve hurt someone’s feelings when it wasn’t intentional, but it’s hard being continuously faced with racism.

Some resources:

• Who is Asian American? See this graph!
• History of Anti-Asian Hate in America from Vox and The Skimm

See Color

When you see and recognize color – our heritage – you can understand where we’re coming from and celebrate our differences. Read Asian American literature, consume media (films, music, TV shows, podcasts) featuring Asian voices, learn about Asian cuisines, and support Asian creatives. See the beauty and honor the representation.

Some resources:

• Equity at the Table – learn about professionals in the food industry through this database
• Books by Asian American Authors
• Make Chinese dishes through this food blog – The Woks of Life
• Ty some of these Asian American Cookbooks

Speak Up

Most people don’t like confrontation and they rationalize not getting involved because they think maybe they can’t make things better or maybe it’s not their place. Be empowered to stand up for someone who is being confronted by someone hateful or inappropriate. Stop things before they escalate. You could save a life or at the least, give a reminder that the world isn’t a terrible place. Learn about bystander intervention.

Donate Money

There are many organizations doing big work to bring change, aid, and education. Here are two:

• Asian Family Support Services of Austin
• Stop AAPI Hate

Support AAPI Businesses and Creatives

When it comes to food in Austin, check out some of my blog posts:

• Asian Desserts in Austin
• Chinese Dumplings in Austin
• Coffee Tasting at Greater Goods Coffee Roasters

Here are some of my other favorite companies in Austin: 

• KathyPhantastic
• The Paper + Craft Pantry
• Madhu Chocolate
• Polkadots Bakery
• Cookie Wookie Kitchen

Thank you for reading and taking in what I had to share. Many organizations and companies support the cause with their voice and dollars, and I encourage you to do the same!

P.S. A few years ago, I wrote about why representation matters. Read it here!

The post Being Asian American + How to Support the APPI Community appeared first on Fearless Captivations.

I needed to get out of the house. I had just finished my 14th week working from home. Other than daily walks with Kaira, trips to the grocery store, outings to pick up restaurant take-out, and weekly bike rides, I had barely left the house and the days were blending together.

But it wasn’t only about getting out of the house. It was about escaping. It was about going somewhere I hadn’t been to before. And I was doing it for cake. Call it getting out of the house if you want to but it was really my “Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle” journey.

My friend Janna has been raving about this cake shop for months, maybe even longer. With my affinity for cake, you would think it would be a top priority to try this cake, one that has seemingly formed a loyal and passionate following. Sweet Cakes 4 U is in Buda, 16 miles from Downtown Austin, and since I live in North Austin, it is 28 miles or 36 minutes one way. Yes, that would be a 72-minute trip for cake. I hadn’t made it there yet.

With a Friday off and a craving for cake, I jumped at the opportunity to make the journey. Janna warned me that the shop sells out quickly and sure enough when I arrived before it opened, there were already seven people in line. It was 11 a.m. on a Friday. Granted, they don’t take pre-orders and are only open Thursday through Sunday, but when the main thing you sell is dessert, you’ve got to have some very passionate or curious customers. Needless to say, I was intrigued as I got in line.

Sweet Cakes 4 U, located in the cute bright shops in Downtown Buda, is known for its big slices of cake with three layers of cake and frosting each. They have more than a dozen flavors on their menu that changes every week. If you’re early in line and planning to get a cake for a crowd, you can also snag a whole cake that feeds 6-8 people for $50. Along with the cake slices, the menu features cupcakes, mini cheesecakes, cake balls, brownies, and cookies. Gratefully, they have a mask requirement and a to-go window that allows for quick, one-by-one service without stepping inside the shop.

Because of the bakery’s distance from my house, I made the most of the trip by getting six slices of cake and a cupcake. That might have sounded really casual, so I’ll say it again with more emphasis.

SIX SLICES OF CAKE.

I got slices of triple chocolate, chocolate salted caramel, strawberries and cream, tres leches, carrot, and chocolate with strawberry. Y’all. Each slice probably weighed about an lb. I got a funfetti cupcake for good measure since I have a thing for cupcakes and all.

The process was quick and easy and before long, I was back in my car, carefully tucking all the slices into the cooler I brought because obviously I had to maintain the quality during the long ride home. All except that cupcake. That was devoured immediately as I started to drive away.

On the long drive home, I thought about the significance of having the day off. You see, it was Juneteenth, and our company decided earlier that week to make it a paid holiday. On June 19th, 1865, TWO YEARS after the Emancipation Proclamation was signed, troops arrived in Galveston, Texas to bring the news that slaves were now free. I wanted to honor the significance from a distance. Honestly, I wanted to escape. The weeks following more murders of black people and protests throughout the U.S. had proved to begin a painful and emotional movement to confront and break racism in the U.S., a movement that seemed serious about delivering real results. It rightfully dismantled whatever security we, the non-black population, felt in our lives and the ways we ignored racism to keep the peace.

At the same time, what a strange time in the midst of a pandemic that has shattered our views and plans for the future. It’s hard to put into words what this time in life is like. It is frustrating yet simple. It is boring yet full. It is uncomfortable and emotional. It is easy yet lacking. We can see it as an opportunity to slow life down but it has also created grief. Hundreds of my colleagues and thousands in the travel industry are without work. There are negative consequences when you consider the development and safety of children without regular school, the widening gap of poverty, and the overall morale and mental health, just to name a few issues. It’s a lot.

And there, that’s really why I needed this seemingly simple and frivolous journey. I brought home six huge slices of cake, full of hope that they were delicious and they would pick me up and bring me joy. The time spent on this journey gave me the chance to take a break and reflect. It gave me the opportunity to drive from one end of Austin to the other, sending loving thoughts to my friends, colleagues, and the people of Austin along the way.

One by one, I tried a few slices each day and finished them all in a week. (Don’t worry, Will helped.) Strawberries and cream was hands down my favorite flavor. I admit, six slices of cake were ambitious and kind of ridiculous because it really was a lot of cake. It made me chuckle the whole time – loading the slices into my car to seeing the slices in my fridge every time I opened it – about how dedicated to sugar rushes I am.

All I needed was cake (and the hope of dismantling systematic racism and moving forward to the post-COVID life). In all the frustrating and chaotic times of this year, there are a few things I can count on. The first experience at a new bakery, the adventure of trying something new, and the sweetness of delicious cake.

Sweet Cakes 4 U
302 S Main St Suite 101, Buda, Texas 78610
Thursday – Sunday 11 am – 5 pm
No website but they update their Facebook page daily

P.S. Want more adventures? How about making my 100th dive, sleeping in a teepee, or my most relaxing vacation.

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I had three work days off for the holidays, and when this long break finally arrived, I was simultaneously cheering and ready to fall into a deep sleep. I was so tired.

The holidays come with their own set of tasks, including decorating, buying presents, and going to parties. They’re all fun and a big privilege, but this year, my thought was I am so tired.

And after several days of relaxing and the holidays come and gone, I’m still finding myself saying I am so tired. Why do I constantly feel behind?

I saw this quote by Juliana Finch and it helped me realize what was wrong: “You’re burned out because this culture has messed up priorities, not because there’s something wrong with you.”

I want too much.

I want to be excellent at my day job, to have a thriving blog and engaging social platforms, to be a thoughtful wife and an attentive dog mom, a devoted daughter, a caring friend, and a proactive human being. I want to make more money while inspiring and saving the world. When I get home after a workday and long commute, I want to go for a run, make dinner with Will, feed my dog, clean the kitchen, finish a blog post, get ready for the next day, and read before bed. Don’t get me started on my weekends. Those days would be super productive.

I want to have the time and energy to excel at all possible responsibilities and passions.

(Yes, I think social media and our picture-perfect social lives where we are all superhumans have a lot to do with this.)

But the reality is I get tired when I try to do it all at once, and I’ve realized that I can’t have it all. Actually, maybe my definition of “all” is twisted. I think that accomplishing my big list will make me feel loved and accomplished. But to feel loved and accomplished, I can do less to make that happen and not leave myself feeling ragged. I’m constantly learning and reminding myself to slow down because my mental health depends on it, and my family depends on me.

These are five of the things I’m going to do to not only make sure I don’t constantly feel behind but to have a happier and healthier self.

1. Lower my expectations and build in flexibility.

Lowering my expectations sounds like a terrible thing, but it isn’t. I have high expectations, and I set myself up to fail. I need to be more realistic about what I can accomplish. Some tasks will take longer than others. For example, getting a blog post ready to publish always takes longer than I think, especially when there are photos to edit. It can easily take five hours. When I limit myself to accomplish fewer tasks, I won’t be looking at a long list I didn’t accomplish and beating myself up for it.

2. Give myself grace.

Overnight successes are rarely a thing, and life will always have challenges. When I get discouraged, I need to remember that progress takes time and practice. There will be good and bad days. 

A past training run comes to mind. In my marathon training, I pushed my body farther than it’s ever gone. When I didn’t have the energy to finish a 20-mile training run (I think I finished 14 miles), I was distraught. I said some mean things to myself (things like why did I think I could do this?), and I was seriously ready to quit my goal of running a marathon. Maybe I could try running a marathon another year. But it was just a bad day. Six days later, I finished a 20-mile run with flying colors.

Whether it’s practicing an instrument, practicing a sport, or practicing a habit, we keep at it because we want to improve. I won’t ace it every time I try, but I can show up, work hard, and give myself grace if and when I fall short. With practice, my body and mind evolve to accomplish the challenge. That’s why things get better and easier.

3. Create routines and structure.

I can simplify my life by creating more structure through routines. I can journal daily, review my schedule at the beginning of the week, and do a big goal review monthly. If I plan out my days, I know what’s coming, what I’m working towards, and what to expect. With some flexibility built in for those unexpected things, having a structure can prevent me from spiraling when one unexpected thing pops up or from feeling directionless. Making a schedule also ensures I’m carving out time for the things I want to accomplish, such as having time each week to write blog posts and edit photos. It might sound boring to have the same routine week after week, but it is necessary for my sanity!

4. Remember my purpose.

It’s cheesy but true: my purpose is love. Love myself, love others.

Ultimately, when all other responsibilities are stripped away, my priorities are the wellness of myself, my marriage, and my pup. When life and to-do lists overwhelm me, I make sure these three priorities are ok or figure out how to make them ok. Sometimes, that means putting other tasks aside and making time. When I have flexibility and structure, it makes this easier!

Similarly, if what I’m doing starts becoming more about vanity or keeping up with others instead of love and kindness, it’s time to stop and come back to my purpose.

5. Give thanks always.

“Gratitude turns what we have into enough.” I often forget about what I am blessed with. Food, shelter, family, friends, a job, this blog, and an abundance of other things. I’m thankful for how I’ve grown emotionally and professionally and for all the things that make my life easier. I might not have accomplished my highest goals (yet), but there are so many small steps underneath them that I have accomplished. That’s something to be thankful for and proud of! Noticing and remembering all the things I’m grateful for reminds me I’m ok and I have everything I need.

6. Focus on my own journey.

“Comparison is the thief of joy” is a saying that is repeated over and over again these days. Because of social media, we are face-to-face with the “perfect” lives of others and it’s easy to get discouraged when we compare our real lives with that. I forget that I can do things another way. I forget I don’t have to do something someone else does. I don’t have to be trendy, buzz-worthy, and put-together. This is MY life. I get to decide what it looks like and what’s important to me. My metric of success can and will look different from someone else’s.

What do you think?

I think we put too much pressure on ourselves to be perfect and successful. It’s good to accomplish goals, but sometimes we do so much that we forget to enjoy the journey. Yes, hard work can bring success and more opportunities, and it’s awesome to grow and accomplish new things. But there’s no reward for getting the most stuff done. When pretending takes more work and stress than necessary, it’s time to evaluate what you’re doing. Life should feel good.

So, ask yourself (I’m doing this, too!): What feelings are you trying to achieve with everything you’re doing, and what can you do to feel that way while not burning out?

Have you ever felt burnt out? Do you have any tips for a happier life?

The post Why Do I Constantly Feel Behind? appeared first on Fearless Captivations.

It’s weird to think at the beginning of this month, we were planning a weekend getaway and our annual crawfish boil. We were living our normal routine. Things changed so fast. We didn’t book our weekend getaway. We postponed the crawfish boil, hoping to re-schedule in the next few months. We had to cancel our family cruise in May. I started working from home. We stopped going out socially.

Honestly, my schedule doesn’t feel different. (I’m a homebody!) I have more time since I don’t have to commute to and from work and workout studios. We usually eat out once or twice during the week, so we spend most of our time at home anyways. I also have more time because most of my blog content about restaurants is on hold.

However, there are a lot more feelings.

First, I am THANKFUL.

• I’m thankful I am healthy and safe and so is my family.
• I’m thankful for the funds to stock up our food supply in case we need to stay home for a long period of time.
• I’m thankful for a job and that I can work from home. Our team started working remotely last week.
• I’m thankful that friends are checking in and staying positive. (Picture of our first virtual happy hour above!)
• I’m thankful for grocery store employees, truck drivers, and medical professionals for keeping us fed and safe.
• I’m thankful for our communities coming together and helping in every way they can, from sharing fundraisers for the hospitality industry to making hand sanitizer for hospitals.

And at the same time, there’s a lot of anxiety, sadness, and fear. It’s ok to feel those feelings! Someone having it “worse” doesn’t invalidate what you feel. Our world has and is changing. It’s ok to mourn that.

• I think about everyone who has lost their job. I work at a hotel and many hotels are closing and laying off their employees except for a few executives. For now, our hotel is still open and some employees have a job while others are furloughed indefinitely.
• I think about everyone who needs to work outside the home, risking their health, and maybe need to work fewer hours, which means less pay. They may also need to find childcare.
• I think about the kids who are bored and anxious.
• I think about people who are sick or who live with the fear of getting sick because their immune system is already compromised.
• I think about everyone who has passed. While the elderly are more susceptible, young and healthy people have also died, seemingly suddenly.
• I think about what would happen if I get sick or someone in my family gets sick.
• I think about people who are mentally and emotionally struggling.
• I think about the elderly who don’t have help nearby and are afraid to go to the grocery store.
• I think about the ignorant and hateful racism towards Asian Americans. It feels like a personal attack when I read the stories.
• I think about the small businesses that have closed, hopefully temporarily and not forever. 
• I think about the small businesses that are struggling to pivot their business to make some sort of money and dealing with all the stress in making the best decisions. 
• I think about the urgency, pressure, and helplessness to help these small businesses.

There’s so much unknown out there, which is a big cause of all these emotions. All of our lives are changing, some more than others. I believe there are better days ahead. For me, it helps to not think about all the things I can’t control. I think about the things I can do to help and the silver lining. I’m thankful for that privilege.

• I can take care of my mental health. That means acknowledging those anxious feelings and fears and focusing on the good. I can slow down!
• I can take care of my physical health. I’m taking daily walks/runs with Kaira and finding ways to workout. Many workout studios are providing online instruction.
• I can support local businesses by buying take-out meals. Picking up an order is a good opportunity to get out and see the real world.
• I can spend more time with Kaira, who is six months now! I felt guilty leaving her alone during the day and always wondered what it would be like to spend more time with her. I’ve learned quickly that she loves the attention.
• I finally got a bike! I haven’t had one since I was a kid. Now Will and I can go on rides together like we’ve been talking about.
• I can make time for my backburner to-do list. What are the things that would improve my life but I haven’t made time to do? There are things on my goals list that I haven’t started yet and my blog to-do list is constantly growing.

If you want to help others, look up the food bank in your city or local fundraisers helping the hospitality industry. In Austin, donate to Central Texas Food Bank and check out this article on Eater Austin.

Hang in there! Brighter days are ahead. We are all in this together.

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It’s bittersweet to look back at who I was and see how every step helped me into who I was becoming. I wish I could go back and give younger me a hug because years later, specific memories still take me back to those raw feelings. I was an emotional and misunderstood teenager and a dreamy and careless college kid.

I’m still working on letting go of all the things I wish I did or didn’t do. It’s hard to be appreciative of the struggles, but I’m glad I can look back on them and see the good in how it ended. We’re constantly becoming the best version of ourselves, hopefully.

If I could appear to my younger self at different ages, these are the things I would tell myself. I probably wouldn’t quite understand or appreciate what future me had to say, but I like to think it would be a comfort to know someone knew how I felt. Sometimes I still need to be reminded of some of these things.

Things I Would Tell My Younger Self

You are loved, even when you’re not sure of it. The strict environment you were raised in is what your parents thought was the best way. It’s hard to understand and appreciate their sacrifices and customs at times but know it is out of love and loyalty. It’ll make you cautious and ambitious, but what is given to you is a blessing that will give you a foundation for the rest of your life. Even so, you are more than your grades and you are good enough.

It’s ok to have these feelings and ok to express them. You’re allowed to be disappointed. You can give the silent treatment, but it’s much more satisfying and clearer to use your voice. Be proud of who you are and where you came from. Don’t let other people decide your worth for you. Don’t let their fears shadow your power.

The right person will come along, even though you’ll feel heartache from the ones you thought didn’t care enough. Each person you date will teach you something, whether it’s friendship, individuality, passion, or carelessness. That feeling of fear and loneliness is you learning how to be your own person. You don’t need someone to complete you and you will never find enough love to sustain you by chasing after him. One day, you’ll find a partner who loves and respects you, and you’ll know. One day, you’ll look back at those relationships and smile.

Don’t quit the piano. Spend more time in the kitchen with your mom. Don’t be afraid to write your feelings down. Save more money. Alcohol is overrated. Keep reading books.

People come in and out of your life. It will hurt a lot. You will lose best friends, from your doing and their doing. It is something you will continually regret, fear, and work through, but it will challenge you to be a better friend and person. You can’t fix all problems, but you can keep yourself accountable and be brave enough to speak up.

Be brave. You don’t know if you don’t ask and it’s ok to not know. Don’t stop asking questions and looking for ways to dream bigger. There are a million possibilities for your future and YOU get to decide. The world needs your talents, your passion, and your heart.

You, young thing, believe in this holy grail, this exact moment in life where a switch is flipped and life is smooth sailing from here. In this moment, you’ll feel successful and completely enough. There will be moments throughout your life where you’ll feel this. You’ll think “this is it, life is perfect,” and it’s beautiful to appreciate those moments and seasons. But life will not be perfect. It’s a constant roller coaster. The only constant is change, and your goal is to do the work, see the good, and keep hoping for the best. It’s like this passage I read in a book recently, “I operated as if there’d be a verdict. An easy answer. A story. I operated as if we were setting the tone for the rest of our lives. It did not occur to me that we could simply muddle through. Learn as we go. Change things later. Forgive ourselves.”

So, forgive yourself. All the moments in life bring you here, in the present, and it might not feel like it now, but it gets better. (Or you get stronger, wiser, and more appreciative.) The future won’t be exactly how you imagined it. You’ll find peace for your past and somehow, you’ll be right where you need to be. You are worthy of the good things making their way to you.

What would you tell your younger self?

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Growing up as an Asian American, I had a prideful attraction to celebrities who were Asian like me, Lucy Liu and Michelle Kwan to name the very few. Without a lot of Asian representation, I looked up to the actresses of my generation, but I wonder how my life could have been impacted had I seen people like me on the screen more often.

I talked about what growing up with immigrant parents was like in this post. Growing up in a suburb where I was one of maybe five Asians in my grade when I started school, I naturally came to be more “Americanized,” something I’m sure many Asian Americans would recognize. Yet, it’s so strange to stop and think about the ways I’m keenly aware when an Asian person enters a scene of a TV show or movie. It’s a subconscious habit of connecting with someone because they looked like me and thinking that maybe they knew what it was like growing up suspended between cultures. They found success while trying to fit into the expectations of being American and Asian.

Representation matters because maybe if I had seen Asian representation in mainstream media, I would have realized it wasn’t a matter of being more American and less Asian. I wouldn’t have felt that pulling away from my Asian culture would help me feel like I fit in and make me more liked by my peers. I wouldn’t have been embarrassed when my mom spoke to me in Chinese in public or when I brought dumplings to school for lunch. I would have been more proud to be American AND Asian.

Representation matters. It’s why Asians have rallied behind the TV show Fresh Off the Boat, and actress Kelly Marie Tran, the first woman of color in a leading role in the Star Wars movies. The new movie Crazy Rich Asians is significant because it is the first Hollywood Studio film in over 25 years to feature an Asian American’s story. (The previous movie was The Joy Luck Club.) When you think about Hollywood movies with Asian actors, you’ll likely think of ones with martial arts (i.e. Rush Hour) or Asian characters as sidekicks or stereotypes. Those movies and roles hold their space, but one of the reasons why Crazy Rich Asians is so important is because there are Asians in the lead roles and Asian characters outside of the typical stereotypes. Plus, it’s a full Asian cast, including great cameos; did you LOVE musician Kina Grannis‘ song during the wedding?

Representation in mainstream media trickles down in ways we might not realize. Can you imagine what Asian American kids might think when they see Asians as the leads of a Hollywood movie? While celebrities seem a world away, we, kids and adults, look up to them because we view celebrities as successful and view movies as projections of a possible reality. It’s much easier to dream when we can envision it clearly. It also gives an opportunity for Asian stories to be heard and for others to learn about the culture and recognize the similarities in our stories. Humanity is much more connected than we think. When we get to know people who are different from us, there’s no limit to the success we can make together.

Aside from the cultural and representation significance, Crazy Rich Asians is an entertaining movie and a fun romantic comedy. Sure, it’s not as good as the books and it wasn’t the best movie I’ve ever seen, but I loved seeing the characters come to life. (#TeamAstrid) I got choked up a few times, maybe because of the sappy scenes or maybe because the movie showed Asian culture and in a way, I felt seen. I love all the cultural features in the movie, from playing mahjong and making dumplings to the traditions of family first and revering elders, and it means a lot to me for others to experience these things I’ve grown up knowing. This movie is not a representation of every Asian American’s story (I am not and don’t know any billionaires, ha!), but it’s a step to build other Asian Americans up. Culture aside, the movie has its funny moments and the fashion!

I’m so proud of director Jon M. Chu and the cast for this movie. We celebrate victories wherever we can because the significance can be fleeting, but I hope it doesn’t take another 25 years before a big success like this. I hope this success means increased recognition for Asian Americans in the arts.

Thank you to all of you who understand, support, and advocate this movie and representation.

If you can’t get enough, check out these articles:

• Why Jon M. Chu wanted Coldplay’s ‘Yellow’ in the movie and how it happened
• Ken Jeong’s interview about his role and what this movie means for Hollywood
• Kelly Marie Tran speaks out
• Why an Asian American heartthrob on screen matters
• Crazy Rich Asians‘ mahjong scene explained in depth

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The post Why Representation Matters and What I Thought About Crazy Rich Asians appeared first on Fearless Captivations.

“Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that’s okay. The journey changes you; it should change you. It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. You take something with you. Hopefully, you leave something good behind.” – Anthony Bourdain

Anthony Bourdain inspired so many, especially in the culinary and travel industries. He inspired us with his passion for food, travel, culture, and people. He was an honest storyteller who challenged what I assumed, opening my eyes to see the beauty and history of a place beyond a tourist view. I appreciate the journeys he took us on through his show. We wanted to be like the Anthony we saw in public: open, adventurous, kind, and fearless. I’m sure he wasn’t a perfect person – he told us about his demons and he was human – but I like to believe he was a good person. I didn’t know him personally and never met him, but the human I saw inspired me and will continue to do so.

We were in shock that a man we thought was so down-to-earth, connected, and grateful would choose to take his life. We experience this in our personal relationships too. We think we know someone, but we realize we don’t. The truth is mental illness has many forms and is a disease that is relentless, no matter how happy, loved, blessed, and grateful someone seems. As with any disease, it doesn’t pick and choose between people based on the amount of wealth, fame, health, and blessings. You can be and do all the right things and the disease can still win. You can have it all and still, the disease tells you you’re not enough and that there’s no other way to make things right but to leave the world. Pain, unworthiness, humiliation, and helplessness are a few things people who fight may feel. I can’t begin to imagine the depth of that place.

Fighting mental illness is not as simple as “snapping out of it,” doing things you love, or finding a reason to live. From my understanding, it’s caused by chemical imbalances in the brain, which changes the way a person thinks, and in some cases, prevents a person from making sound decisions. Mental health should be treated the same way as we diagnose someone with Alzheimer’s or cancer. We don’t brush off people that need help or shame them for having a disease, why do we look at mental illness differently?

If You Need Help

Please call the National Suicide Prevention Line at 1-800-273-8255 or chat with someone on the website.

You can also text the Crisis Text Line at 741741.

Visit Psychology Today for a list of therapists.

To those who struggle, summon an ounce of courage to find help, be it a phone call to a hotline, a stranger in the grocery store, or a friend you haven’t talked to in a while. Maybe an ounce can show you a way you hadn’t thought of yet. It’s not weak to ask for help.

You are loved and matter more than you realize, more than your mind wants you to think. We can’t begin to know or understand what you are going through but we are trying to be there for you and walk with you through the darkness. We’ll keep our eyes open and be extra sensitive to your changes. We will keep asking how you are, we’ll keep calling, we’ll keep trying to reach you.

Where do we go from here?

Loss plagues us, leaving the world dimmer, our lives darker, and our hope more fragile. Death shouldn’t be a scary subject, it’s a part of life. But when someone chooses to leave, it creates a deep hole that threatens to pull in everyone who gets close.

Be kind because you never know what struggles someone is going through. Stay connected and check in on the people in your life, even if they seem strong or tell you they’re fine. Don’t hide from tough conversations. It’s tireless and heart-breaking and necessary. Maybe if we allow ourselves to be more vulnerable, allow our feelings out in the open, and change the way we think, express, and react, we can be better humans.

• We love people harder. Be willing to listen, to take them to the doctor, and to check in.
• We celebrate and honor the people who left too soon.
• We try to understand mental illness better. We read books, listen to the news, attend events, and talk to friends.
• We don’t shy away from the awkward and hard conversations.
• We won’t be afraid to ask “are you ok” to a friend or stranger who looks like they need help.
• We are honest about how we feel. It’s ok to not be ok.
• We are thoughtful about what we say. These are real illnesses with difficult outcomes. Don’t joke about being OCD because you’re tidy or describe moody people as being bipolar. Don’t use the phrase “I want to kill myself” when you’re faced with a boring or annoying situation or person.
• We support organizations that are working towards changing policy, funding research, and providing resources.

Honoring Anthony Bourdain

If you want to get to know Anthony Bourdain and relish in the work he left behind, here are some links you should check out. If you have Netflix, Anthony Bourdain’s show Parts Unknown is fabulous.

• The essay he wrote about his childhood
• Tribute to how he told the truth
• Tribute to how his cookbooks touch us
• Collection of tributes from the culinary industry

Resources to Understand Mental Illness, Depression, and More

Books – Memoirs

• Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig
• Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things by Jenny Lawson
• Everything is Horrible and Wonderful by Stephanie Wittels Wachs

Books – Nonfiction

• Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions by Johann Hari
• Notes on a Nervous Planet by Matt Haig
• The Kevin Show by Mary Pilon

Books – Fiction

• Turtles All The Way Down by John Green
• It’s Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini
• Everything Here is Beautiful by Mira T. Lee
• The Astonishing Color of After by Emily X.R. Pan
• History Is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera

*See more book recommendations here

On the Web

• TED Talks: Here and Here
• Modern Loss Website
• 10 Podcasts About Mental Health
• This Instagram account
• Information from the National Institute of Mental Health
• NPR article about the stats
• Infographic PDF about U.S. Mental Health Facts
• Kate’s Story
• This post from my friend Terra

Have any recommendations on resources or anything you want to share? Write a comment below!

P.S. It’s ok to have feelings. Take a look at this post about living through the sadness.

I’m on the Internet! You can find me on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Bloglovin’. You can also subscribe to the exclusive email list.

The post Asking for Help and Learning About Mental Health appeared first on Fearless Captivations.

#LoveWins
What a day we had on Friday, June 26, 2015! The Supreme Court ruled in favor of same-sex marriage in all 50 states and it broke the Internet and caused many happy tears. I’m happy that people committed in love can officially show the world and have the same rights. “Our love is real” is what the first couple in my county said when they got married on Friday. I hope no couple in love ever has to feel that their love is not legitimate ever again. The last paragraph in the Supreme Court’s decision says enough for all.

What do you want to be weighed on?
I LOVE this post and this campaign by Lean Cuisine. We sometimes forget that there’s beauty on the inside and it’s ok to be proud of the things you’ve accomplished, endured and learned. Take a look at the video at the end of the post or below. This year I’m proud of becoming more vulnerable and honest to the people around me, chasing my passion of party planning and opening up my mind to what a life of adventure looks like. What are you most proud of lately?

You are precious. You are not alone.
Mental illness and depression is a subject I care about because I feel deeply for those close to me who have and do endure it. I’m glad it is becoming something we are not afraid to talk about, though it is incredibly vulnerable and brave. I read three posts this month that I thought were great insights into the subject. It’ll give you an idea of what depression feels like and how our compassion and openness to people who endure it can make a difference. Check out this post about understanding the stigma my friend wrote, Momastery’s post of encouragement and Hannah Brencher’s post.

I’m Scuba-Certified!
After 6 classes, 26 hours, and 6 dives in Lake Travis (one going to 60 ft!), I’m scuba-certified! Visibility in Lake Travis was only 3-8 feet so I’m very excited to try out my new skill in clear, blue waters somewhere else. No trip planned yet but hopefully soon! If you have location recommendations, let me know!

Minimalism
I’ve been drawn to the ideas of minimalism lately. It’s not only about having less physical things but being intentional about the things you include in your life. I loved Collin Wright’s answers in this interview, especially what minimalism means to him:

“To me, minimalism is the intentional, focused use of my time, energy, and resources (like money). It’s knowing myself well enough to understand what brings me joy and fulfillment, and what helps me grow, so that I can focus on those activities, relationships, habits, and everything else.”

For me, I’m trying minimalism by cleaning out my home of clothing and accessories I don’t need and investing in quality products that truly bring me joy. I’m also being conscious of how I spend my time and what brings me joy. If you want more guidance, check out fellow Austin blogger Lauren’s minimalist living posts and this simple list of how to live with less.

My photo was printed in the paper!
Austin360, the Austin American-Statesman’s supplement, printed the Instagram photo I took at Adelbert’s Brewery (top left). I’m proud of it!

Why you should give up your dream
“It was only by pursuing one dream—and then giving it up—that I was able to find a new, better one.” It’s ok to admit that your dreams can change. It’s ok if they do. Ask yourself the hard questions continuously to make sure you’re still living your dream.

What’s captivating you lately?

The post Captivations v.12 appeared first on Fearless Captivations.

Earlier this year I went to a restaurant recommended by a popular food blogger and I ended up strongly disliking the food. I left that experience bummed that I had spent $24 on an awful meal, gave an awful experience to a friend that had joined me, and believed this blogger’s raving comments. I began thinking about the way we consume media and trust recommendations. From my experience working with bloggers and being a blogger, here’s some truth.

• Bloggers will rarely post about something they didn’t like, especially if the experience was complimentary.
• Lots of photos are staged to make an image or experience more appealing.
• Bloggers give their recount of their dining experience, which has a hundred different factors, including mood, eating companions, amount of alcohol consumed, and how much they paid for it.
• Bloggers are individuals with their own particular tastes, palettes, likes, dislikes, desires, background and education. You are bound to have similarities and differences with them.

I don’t mean to crack your rose-colored glasses! Yes, there are many bloggers who have become experts in subjects because of their constant exposure, involvement, and education with the subject. They are still entitled to their own opinions and content. As with anything in life, have a bit of skepticism and don’t be afraid to ask questions. Blogging is not all a ploy to take your money.

As a blogger, I write about my experience in hopes that you will find the same joy I had when you experience it for yourself. I map out my path to where I found joy. I list the sights I saw on my trip, I tell you about the things I ate at a restaurant, and I show you how I decorated a space for a party. There are a million factors between my experience and yours. Who I am (personality, desires, how I see and understand things), my goals, and the people I interact with are some of those factors. You won’t have the exact experience I did, though it may be very similar, but you can find your own joy in your own unique experience.

This is why a DIY you try to replicate won’t always turn out exactly like the photo you’re working from, hence Pinterest fails. This is why you may visit a buzz-worthy restaurant and find you didn’t enjoy the same dishes. This is why your travel experience will always differ from a companion’s even if you both follow a blogger’s recommendations. Bloggers are merely guides. We give recommendations about life, travel and food. Then, you take that guidance and make an experience your own. On Fearless Captivations, I hope to inspire adventurous living, in whatever shape or form it comes. I’ll post ideas and inspiration, but it’s up to you to take the information to bring joy to your life.

What’s your experience with bloggers? Who or what post has inspired you lately?

If you’re a brand, check out this post about how to engage with bloggers to grow your business on my marketing-focused blog.

Photo by Death to Stock Photo

The post The Truth About Bloggers and Blog Content appeared first on Fearless Captivations.

When I say adventure, what do you think of? Bungee jumping in New Zealand? Eating pig brains in Spain? Getting lost in a French neighborhood? Taking a year-long trip around the world? Those activities and situations are definitely adventurous but I believe adventure is more easily found and less “glamorous” than we make it. Adventure is unusual and exciting experiences and activities and exploring unknown territories. With that definition, you can count many things as adventure.

In following travel bloggers, I’ve found many who live a life of constant travel. As I explored my goals and desires, I realized that while traveling to new places is fun and exciting, I don’t think I want a life of being a travel nomad. I like my roots, coming home, and having a routine. Wanting those things doesn’t make me less of a traveler or less adventurous. There’s nothing wrong with keeping a full-time job and saving up to travel when you can take a vacation. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to buy a house and build a family who you’ll take to adventurous places. And there’s nothing wrong with being a travel nomad. Your idea of adventurous living is yours to choose.

Adventure doesn’t need to fit within someone else’s criteria. If traveling internationally to spend a week on a beautiful beach is your idea of an adventure, so be it. If you find adventure through a situation similar to the show Naked and Afraid, that’s your call. Don’t let someone take the joy out of what brings you happiness.

Adventure happens right where you are. We don’t need to go far or spend a lot of money for adventure. We don’t need to hop on a plane to get to it. It can be the park by your house where you’ve never taken your dog. Or trying the new Thai restaurant that recently opened. Or a 30-minute drive to a swimming hole you’ve never been. As long as you’re exploring new experiences in your life, you’re being adventurous!

Adventure is out there, and it’s good for you. It has the ability to inspire, bring happiness and open your eyes to new people, thoughts, and cultures. Go find adventure, wherever that may be!

What adventurous things have you done recently? What’s one adventurous thing you’ll do this month?

The post How to Find Adventure in Everyday Life appeared first on Fearless Captivations.