If you had asked me at 18 years old what my life would look like in 10 years, one of the things I would have said was married with kids. Ten plus a few more years later, neither of those things are true.

In the past 10+ years, my hardest, darkest, and most emotional times have come from romantic relationships. I thought to have a guy like you confirmed your worth, and I was always looking for my love story. I gave too much time to guys who didn’t care enough. I played the game in return, and not surprisingly, that didn’t end well either. It’s hard living in a Taylor Swift album all the time; the promise is a new partner will be along to sweep you off your feet and save you from past heartbreak.

In hindsight, all of the heartbreak taught me a lot about becoming the best version of myself and the partner I wanted. It’s inevitable to make mistakes when you’re young or when you put your self-worth in someone else. I learned how to be the hero of my story. I learned the depth having a relationship involves. All the uncomfortable confrontations have taught me about vulnerability and the true nature of a relationship. It took experiencing these lessons for myself to learn these lessons. Heck, I’m still reminding myself and re-learning them sometimes!

One of the best adventures in life is having a relationship with someone. Be it with your significant other, mom or dad, friends, siblings, or co-worker, relationships are unique and involve uncharted territory to keep it thriving. So, here are some of the lessons I’ve learned and value.

5 Things I’ve Learned About Love and Relationships

1. Love is expressed in many ways.

I think because of my upbringing, I have a view of expressing love that differs from my observations of how love is expressed. People have different ways to express love and emotion and that’s ok. It’s not always a vocal “I love you” but could be a kind gesture or giving someone undivided attention. Do you know your love language? (You can take a free quiz to figure it out.) Your love language explains how you want to receive love and how you give love. For me, I value quality time, words of affirmation, and acts of service.

2. Managing my expectations keeps me grateful.

I was always looking for my love story because I had this over-romanticized view of love. It’s been disappointing to see that love is not like the movies. Similarly, it’s not the social media highlight reel. Yes, there are sweet and loving moments, but the constant showering of spontaneous declarations, hidden love notes, and thoughtful gifts are an ideal that is hard to live up to. My brainwashed expectations of what I think a relationship is supposed to look like would never measure up. Fulfilling expectations will look different for every person and relationship, and it’s dangerous when you compare your relationship with others’ relationships.

3. Love is consideration for your partner.

One of my favorite lyrics in one of my favorite songs by The Lumineers goes “it’s better to feel pain than nothing at all. The opposite of love’s indifference.” (The song is Stubborn Love.) Consideration is being thoughtful and attentive to your partner’s needs and wants. Your needs and wants are valid but when you continuously compromise your partner’s happiness for yours, the relationship is unbalanced. The give and take should be equal.

4. Communication is key.

We have needs and wants and it’s important to express them. From the conflicts in my relationships, everything could have been avoided if we had communicated what we were feeling and what we needed. I’m one that will give the silent treatment and bottle up my feelings, but I’m working on it. We can’t read minds! Don’t forget there are nicer ways to say things. When we stop communicating, the relationship breaks down and we start assuming things that are likely not true. You can make assumptions through tone and body language but it doesn’t hurt (and makes things go a lot quicker) if something is said.

5. Relationships are a work in progress.

Humans are a masterpiece and a work in progress. We are made up of intricate emotions and nothing is perfect. Relationships don’t demand perfection but thrive on presence. As long as we acknowledge that we are and can continuously improve and become a better partner, all we need to do is show up ready to work. I’m continuously learning how to be ok with vulnerability and confrontation. The future is scary because emotions and relationships are delicate but on the other side of fear is, hopefully, a stronger relationship.

Conclusion

I’m sharing what I’ve learned not because I’m expert at love and relationships. It’s because I’m amazed at how far I’ve come and even still I need some guidance or a reminder. I know what I think will continue to build and evolve, but I hope I never lose the belief that love is real, magical, and a fulfilling life goal.

Marriage and babies might come one day, but for now, it’s more important to me that I love who I am, feel at peace with my past, and feel secure about how I love.

I would love to hear your insights! What have you learned? Any tips for better relationships?

P.S. It’s been a while since I shared lessons learned! Here are past posts. Also, this post about surviving travel as a couple might help too.

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The post 5 Things I’ve Learned about Love and Relationships appeared first on Fearless Captivations.

Some of the Valentine’s cards I made this year. They included photo strips I made through Artifact Uprising.

Valentine’s Day
My Valentine and I celebrated well! I loved the gorgeous bouquet waiting for me in my office on Friday morning. We enjoyed dinner at our favorite sushi restaurant and celebrated a friend’s birthday. I made creme brulee (his favorite) for the first time. We dressed up as Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum for an Alice in Wonderland tea party.

My special Valentine’s delivery

What is Love?
On the subject of love, I wanted to share this sweet post from one of my favorite blogs, The Fresh Exchange. Reflecting on five years of marriage, Megan wrote about what love means to her. My favorite lines: “Love is about vulnerability, opening up and letting someone in. It is about being known and knowing someone else, that makes love something hard, but what I have found is that it is the greatest gift we can give to each other is the opportunity to be known and loved.”

A view from our February Brunch Club

Read: Committed
I finished the book Committed this month. A great follow-up to Eat, Pray, Love, the book is about the author’s findings in researching the history of marriage and includes conversations with people around the world. It’s a fascinating look at how things came to be and why we think the things we do about marriage.

The Sweetest Photo Shoot
A local Austin photographer published a sweet photo shoot of her grandparents who have been married for 63 years. At the end of the post, Photographer Shalyn Nelson talks about her thoughts on marriage and I loved this line: “It’s letting love win, always, no matter what.”

What do people say at the end of their lives?
Chris Guillebeau posted this. They talk about love. All the time I realize more and more that this is what life is about, the purpose of life. To give love, be love, and feel love. For things and people. From that love comes things like inspiration, life-changing experiences, and life-changing relationships.

Listen: Favorite Songs Lately
The New Basement Tapes – Kansas City
BORNS – 10,000 Emerald Pools
Jessie J – Masterpiece

Cheering on Austin Marathon runners at mile 24

Ashley ran another marathon!
My friend Ashley ran her second marathon on Valentine’s weekend, smashing her previous PR! I love the electric energy of races – running them and cheering runners on. We had a lot of fun being there and seeing Ashley rock it!

My friends made an app!
After lots of hard work, my friends released the geoPulse app in the Android store. The app lets you save cool locations and share your exact location for safety or fun with your friends. This is great when you’re meeting somewhere, whether it’s “by this tree in the park” or a specific bar. The app sends the exact point through SMS so friends can easily access the map. The app also helps you stay safe. It sends your location to a specific contact list in certain time intervals. This is great when you’re going on a date, walking to your car alone or making a solo road trip, among many situations.

Bravery
I often deal with head trash – the voice inside that tells me I can’t accomplish something and my efforts are pointless. I loved this post about bravery. Are you doing brave things every day?

Chinese New Year
While I didn’t throw a Chinese New Year potluck like I did last year, the holiday was still fun. My valentine and I went to Dallas to spend time with my family. We missed seeing lion dances but we did enjoy walking through the Crow Museum’s celebration, eating lots of Chinese food, visiting the Perot Museum of Nature and Science, eating dinner with my family and brunching.

What captivated you this February?

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